There are times when you feel so low that you start wondering why you brought this upon yourself. That is the hard part. It is easier when you have someone else to blame. Self-pity is a consoling warm feeling. But to know that something went wrong because of something you initiated is the worst. I dont believe in fate anymore than I did earlier. I do try to check if a pattern is repeating itself. But when all you have to look back upon is your adolescence, it is hard to find a similar pattern.

On a happier note, this week I did something I have never dared before. I jumped straight into the deep end of the swimming pool. I am nearing the end of my swimming lessons and my instructor wanted me to jump into the deep end and swim back the entire length of the pool. Even after I learnt to stay afloat, I never managed to jump into the pool. I would daintly sit and then slide into the water. But earlier this week, I was directed [not asked] to jump and I just stood there like wax statue, full of fear. I just could not bring myself to do it. The instructor tried all sorts of inspirational quotes. In the end he also said that if I dont jump, it meant I din trust him. Even that din help me jump. My swimming partner tried her best as well. In the end I was scared that they would push me in. That made me jump in. Wow and it was not scary at all. Such fun actually to bounce up as soon as one jumps in. I ended up doing it many times. And was very pleased with myself. Now, thats three off my list :)