I think after a point you understand the pattern of your life. You have a period of boredom, then joy then overwhelming pain, then slow recovery then unbelievable joy and sometimes when you think hard, it could be peace. then again when u start thinking about a phase in detail, it takes the cue and changes. who sets the pattern? Do i do it unconsciously? How is that it is so predictable. And how is it that though I know what phase I await, I am still devastated or upbeat with as much intensity as I would if I had not known what was coming. In the end, the pattern does help me stay sane.